Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.