There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.