If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I'm single because I was born that way.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.