Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.