You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.