May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.