In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.