No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!