It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Women are made to be loved not understood.