Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.