If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.