Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.