He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.