Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.