I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.