Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Men are as faithful as their options.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.