If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.