It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.