No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
I'm single because I was born that way.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.