Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.