If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.