I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.