When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

No good deed goes unpunished.