I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.