Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money