When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.