Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.