Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.