Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.