Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.