No good deed goes unpunished.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!