If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
I will not join any club who will take me as a member