Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.