We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Sex is an emotion in motion.