You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Men are as faithful as their options.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.