He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.