Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.