Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
I'm single because I was born that way.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.