There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.