When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.