If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Men are as faithful as their options.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.