I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.