I drink to make other people more interesting.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.