Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
No good deed goes unpunished.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments