Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.