You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.