Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.