Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.