Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.