It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?