Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?