I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.