Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.