I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.