Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.