My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.