I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.