You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
Sex is an emotion in motion.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.