I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.