Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

I'm single because I was born that way.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Women are made to be loved not understood.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.