A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.