But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.