What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.