I will not join any club who will take me as a member

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!