What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.