Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.