In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.