I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.