There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

I'm single because I was born that way.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.