I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.