War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.