Women are made to be loved not understood.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.