Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

No good deed goes unpunished.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

I'm single because I was born that way.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.