I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!