I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.