I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
I'm single because I was born that way.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.