Sex is an emotion in motion.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.