Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.